Friday, February 17, 2012

Day One of Gluten AND Dairy Free

Warning: If I know you in real life, please forgive me if I get a little throat-punchy in the next few weeks. It's not personal. Mostly.

So the doc thought it might be a good idea for me to give up dairy for a while, in an attempt to help the healing process along. Gluten, that was bad enough, but now let's take away milk, too. For someone who existed solely on bowls of cereal for a good four years of her adult life, this is a bit, um, challenging.

The good news is I made it through Day 1. The bad news is that it's only Day 1.

9:30 a.m.: Wake up after sleeping 11 hours (?!?). Thanks, anemia.

10:00 a.m.: Stand in kitchen. Have mini-meltdown when discover I can't put butter on my GF pancakes. Or in scrambled eggs. Melodramatically throw myself on kitchen counter. Husband sighs and somehow comes up with something I am able to eat. Sulk as I sip my juice.

10:30 a.m.: Freak out in the shower over the possibility that all my cosmetics and body products may contain gluten. Declare to self that I am going on a quest to re-invent the beauty industry. Promptly forget about quest when I see a wad of hair in the tub that looks like a spider. Nope, just hair. Crisis averted.

11:15 a.m.: Again, stand in kitchen with no idea what to pack for lunch at work. Decide against eating an entire box of Annie's fruit snacks, but just barely. Find a cup of rice noodle soup from Trader Joe's. Decide it is good enough.

12:00 p.m.: Hit my knees at work to praise God for non-dairy creamer. Drink approximately a gallon of coffee. My bladder immediately regrets that decision. Also eat handful of GF jelly beans my favorite co-worker has brought in to share. Feel human for a few minutes.

2:00 p.m.:
Have a meeting at work. First real temptation of the day - a giant platter of bakery cookies. Salivate excessively, but am able to concentrate on meeting and not cookies. Mostly.

4:00 p.m.: Meeting over. Cookies not consumed. Treat myself with one pack of fruit snacks. Think a juicebox would be appropriate, also.

5:00 p.m.:
Heat up rice noodle cup. Horribly, horribly disappointed. Dump out in favor of a Kind bar and some apple slices. Throw pity party briefly, then get distracted by work.

8:00 p.m.: STARVING. OMG SO HUNGRY. Start counting the seconds until I can get home from work and eat something. Debate about the gluten/dairy content of the bag of Laffy Taffy we have for kids. Lock them in cabinet as to not consume in fit of rage.

9:00 p.m.: Home at last. Dinner is a bowl of Rice Chex with a banana and some almond milk. And some Udi's toasted with raspberry jam. Not gourmet, but no longer willing to eat the dog.

11:00 p.m.: Made it through Day 1 with only a few tears and no blood loss, by me or anyone else. Pat self on back and fall asleep to the food porn that is The Food Network.

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