Friday, July 20, 2012

Day in the Life: Six Months In

Man, time flies when you are avoiding gluten. Seems like just yesterday, I was living my carbolicious life without a care in the world (you know, 'cept where the nearest bathroom was)(oh and also being malnourished)(and constantly having infections of the ears and sinuses). But, boy, could I take down the pizza.

I did one of these right after I started the new lifestyle (not diet - diets are for celebrities), so I thought it was time to do a follow up, six months in.

6:00 a.m.: Alarm goes off. Hit snooze. No longer can blame anemia. Just laziness.
7:00 a.m.: Begrudgingly get up. Dog and husband snore on. Curse the fact that going gluten-free did not suddenly give me Energizer Bunny energy.
7:15 a.m.: Having just showered with my gluten-free shampoo, my gluten-free conditioner and my gluten-free body wash, I slap on some gluten-free moisturizer and apply gluten-free products to hair. Gluten freely, of course. Continue on with gluten-free makeup. Sensing a trend?
7:30 a.m.: Decide that since it will be 800 degrees today, hair is going up. Try to find least heat-stroke inducing ensemble for work, while still maintaining my dignity and avoiding indecent exposure. Curse summer.
8:00 a.m.: Quick breakfast before work. Toasted Udi's with some over-easy eggs and juice. Yay, breakfast. Try to "forget" to take vitamins, but am stopped by Health Police husband. Make iced coffee to take to work and rush to get there on time. Am late. But caffeinated. Very important.
10:30 a.m.: Sing songs and read stories to all the leetle cheeeldren. Discover most of them feel the same way I do about heat. Commiserate in big, whiny circle. Inner three-year-old is appeased.
12:00 p.m.: Uh-oh. Hitting the worst time of day for me. Starving panda! Also remarkably poor at lunch planning. Eat fruit and KIND bar and curse celiac for taking away my right to be lazy at lunch. Still hungry. Sigh.
3:00 p.m.: Temperature in building is near triple digits. Humidity is near 90 percent. I am near point of actually melting. Consider putting ice in undergarments. Remember I will be hosting tweens for a program and decide giant wet spots not worth the ridicule of 11-year-old girls. Sweat.
4:00 p.m.: Time for tween program. Regretting the decision to make candy sushi as craft, as am still hungry and all components are tainted by gluten. Stupid Rice Krispies Treats. Why you no gluten free?
5:00 p.m.: Program over. Temptation vanquished. Feel sense of accomplishment. Also possibly heat stroke.
7:00 p.m.: World's Best Husband makes me steak tacos. Eat with a fervor that would scare Joey Chestnut. Also decide Guy Fieri's secret salsa ingredient must be cocaine. Get to bottom of chip bag and breathe.
9:00 p.m.: Relax on couch catching up on DVR-ed Food Network shows. Start fantasizing about all the awesome meals I am going to make when it cools down enough to turn the oven on.Salivate.
11:00 p.m.: Drop our AC down to "refrigerate" and head up to bed. Sleeeeeeeeep.

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