Fab Finds: Glutino Toaster Pastries

I'm not a morning person. Actually, that's a bit of an understatement. My husband has referred to pre-8 a.m. me as "the spawn of Hitler and Satan." So every little bit of time I get to spend with my bed is beloved. It used to be, I could hit the snooze a few times, prep for work and stop for breakfast at McDonald's/Dunkin/Insert Any Option here. But now, now I have to think. And plan. And if it sounds like I'm whining, I am. As much as I'd love to enjoy an egg white omelet every morning, unless you're going to make it for me, it's not going to happen.

A couple months ago, I heard Glutino was working on a gluten-free toaster pastry. And when they released it, to Whole Foods only, I stalked my local (and local is still 15 miles away) Whole Foods pretty regularly. And every time I checked, the shelf was empty. These things were selling out as fast as they could stock them. That means they had to be good, right?

Two weeks ago, I had the joy of getting the last box of apple toaster pastries at my Whole Foods. It was a bit banged up, true, but it was there, and I took it home, proud that I didn't tear into it in the car. I do have some self-control.

But when I did  break open that box? I was very impressed, because you guys? These things are AMAZEBALLS.

The box claims it's "like biting into paradise," and I will agree, it's pretty close. I went in expecting them to taste like Pop-Tarts, which is a mistake. These aren't iced, but I don't think they need it. They aren't as sweet, and they don't taste as fakey as some of the toaster pastries I used to eat in embarrassingly large quantities. They are really more adult, I guess? For those of us with the, um, refined palate that a gluten-free diet often brings. The taste really reminds me of the apple pies you can get at McDonald's, but not all gluteny. They are no nutritional bargain, but as a treat, I think they're better for you than a lot of things. Full disclosure: these have been dessert for me more often than breakfast, so I still have my dilemma of being lazy and hungry.

 Pros: They taste fantastical. The crust is flaky, the filling is sweet and appley. They maintain their shape and texture, even after being tossed into my work lunch bag. When warmed up, they smell like what I imagine your grandmother's house smells like. I heart them.

Cons: They are about as easy to get ahold of as a special edition Beanie Baby in 1998. Plus, where "real" toaster pastries come two to a sleeve, these are one-shooters. And there's only five per box. So, basically my only complaint is I WANT MORE.